If He Knew
by casfics
Summary: Some things are better left unsaid - especially things that never should have happened.
1. chapter 1

She heaved the bag over her shoulder, gulping as she turned the corner. She didn't take notice of his fingers as they squeezed hers back. The chilly wind blew strongly, making their noses cold. It was only October, but the weather had really taken a turn for the worst. The sky was grey and as dark as night, despite it only being 2.

One step forward and they'd be in the warm. The place she knew so well. It was funny, she thought, just how much things changed. The same glassy doors that held in the same brightly-lit and bustling department. Of course she loved him, didn't want him to be cold. He'd be freezing. They needed to go inside. But how could they? All of it was the same as it had been before, but the people were different. Things had changed and they weren't going to be how they had been before.

They'd get a warm welcome, sure. That was the last thing she wanted. Being showered with tacky flowers, or chocolates, or even attention. Being shot funny looks from new, elite doctors who didn't know the slightest. She couldn't stand outside forever, had to go in. Had to go in.

-x-

'Lily!' At least three people squealed at once, immediately rushing to her side. She instinctively shot a hand up to her hair, twiddling with it awkwardly. The fuss was overwhelming, especially from those she hadn't been overly close with. Looking vaguely familiar, someone shot her a welcoming smile. She realised all at once - Alicia. Alicia, but with hair to her shoulders, carrying a clipboard and in heels. When she held her hand up to wave, the gleaming sparkle caught Lily's attention immediately. Engaged, or even married. To Ethan? Perhaps. To someone else? Maybe. The professionalism of who she remembered to be a junior doctor shocked her the most. She looked... strange. Different, rather. She looked aged and grown and confident. A wave of something washed over Lily. Nostalgia? Guilt, for missing out on it all? Maybe just happiness, unfiltered happiness. The last time she saw her, she'd been consoling a grieving Ethan. She was genuinely glad that life had been kind and rewarded someone, if not herself.

Her attention was quickly diverted to the tugging sensation on her arm. She glanced down, and her cheeks tinged pink. Great. She didn't want to give anyone the impression she couldn't cope - for God's sake - she could. She had incompetencies that she knew of, but it didn't mean she had to parade them in front of all public eye.

'Jonah!' She hissed, which stunned her colleagues into silence. Lily immediately felt bad. He was two, a baby. It looked like an obvious overreaction? Or did it?

Her head felt like it was about to explode. Second-guessing herself wasn't exactly a new thing ever since she'd been propelled into the lonely life she had to become accustomed to. A few people looked awkward as they pretended to busy themselves with documents. Lily had to smooth it over. Too concerned on public image, she didn't notice when the toddler's lip started to jut out and wobble.

All at once, she remembered it was his 2nd birthday yet she'd dragged him to a strange place, alien to the both of them really, and shouted at him in public when he just wanted her attention. She felt like a monster.

'Sorry, darling. It is okay, I am here.' She scooped him up now, and his tiny hands clung to her back. She looked back up to meet the eyes of the observers. Louise looked lost for words.

'Never thought you'd have a kid.' She just commented, with a raise of the eyebrow.

'Me neither.' Lily muttered, but not too loudly so that they'd all hear.

'Is the father still on the scene then?' Louise asked. Lily at once got the impression she was only looking for gossip. Louise always had that vibe about her though. Still, the answer to the question wasn't necessary so Lily kept her mouth shut.

'Well, is he?' Louise snapped her out of her thoughts. Ironic. He was still on the scene, technically. In the sense of the phrase though, he wasn't.

'No.' Lily breathed a sigh. The one word felt like a betrayal to him, even though, deep down, she knew he didn't deserve any kind of recognition. He didn't even know about Jonah. He didn't need to; things were easy while ever he was ignorant to the matter.

'Ah. His loss, Lil. He's well cute.' Louise smiled, craning her neck to see the child's face. Lily just gave a small smile politely. It wasn't why she'd gone to Holby, to make small talk. To be fair to Louise, she could see it. He was a lovely little boy. It made all the days she felt she was failing as a mother well and truly worth it.

Ethan turned the corner, briefcase in hand, and planted a kiss on Alicia's cheek before doing anything else. Lily smiled to herself as her presumptions were confirmed.

'Lily! It's.. great to see you!' Ethan looked puzzled yet happy, as his eyes moved from Lily to the child in her arms.

'Good to see you too.' Lily nodded.

'Why did you come back?' Ah. The million dollar question. Again, it didn't need an answer. Ethan's face, expectant yet patient while he waited for a response.

'Work, I-I need to speak to Mrs Beauchamp about something. If she's still here?' Lily's voice wavered, uncertain.

Ethan just nodded. 'Same office as ever. Would you like me to take little one while you speak to her?' He asked.

Lily just gave a small shake of the head. 'I'm fine, thanks. He'll be good.' She said, perhaps just voicing her hopes. In Jonah's two short years of life, she had never left him with anyone but her next-door neighbour - and only when she absolutely had to. She wasn't about to leave him, even for ten minutes, with Ethan. Old friend or not. Her son was all she had.

'Okay. Good luck. It's.. well, it's nice to see you.' Ethan nodded.

Lily observed how he seemed to be feeling better, in spite of everything that had happened years before. The pain had gone from his eyes, and from the simple interaction, she could tell he was cheerier. She gave them all a small smile as she departed the reception area, and started to walk towards her ex-boss' office. Noted, the last time her feet had walked over the patent flooring, they were strapped into high heels. Now, they were in trainers. It felt like a downgrade. It was.

-x-

'I... just can't quite believe it Lily. When you went off the radar, well... naturally we all just assumed you were starting afresh. I guess you... were.' Connie shook her head as she spoke, clearly dazed.

'Being a mother changes things, I suppose,' Lily looked down, if a little sadly. She thought of her own mother, despite feeling very sure that she wouldn't be thinking of her. 'How is Grace?' She added, as a little afterthought.

'Grace? Well... she's 14, now. Still has her epilepsy, still secretly blames me. We don't really talk about that, I don't suppose. She has a boyfriend, she's studying for her GCSEs. Wants to go into law. She let me in.' Connie nodded. Lily nodded too. She still thought of Grace to be the ten year-old who miraculously recovered from the helicopter crash. Of course things had changed though.

'Does she live with Mr Strachan still?' Lily asked, if a little tactlessly.

Connie let out a short laugh. 'Sam? Um... yes. And so do I.'

'Oh...' Lily said. That was all she could say. 'That is lovely. I am glad things worked out for you.'

Connie just nodded back. She definitely appeared to be more content, from what Lily could gather.

'What about this little tyke then?' Connie smiled as Lily pulled her son from round her neck and sat him on her lap.

'This is Jonah. He's two... today, actually. He's lovely. Very smart, though perhaps that is natural, for a mother to be biased.' Lily smoothed her son's wavy hair down so it sat against his head again. The child leaned across the desk, playing with a stress toy shaped like a brain that he'd found. Connie just continued to smile, not probing about the father as Louise had done.

'Hello, Jonah.' She said, and looked from the toddler to Lily. 'He's like you.' She said.

Lily bit her tongue. She didn't really see it. Physically, he looked like her child. His gestures though, actions, personality, laugh. The way his eyelids fluttered seconds before he fell asleep. The way he had always been like a human dustbin, shoving anything and everything into his mouth from the moment he discovered where his mouth was. That... that wasn't her at all. That was-

'How will you access childcare, should you resume your position here?' Connie's questioning rudely pulled Lily out of her thoughts.

'Nursery. I've done some research on good ones.' Lily told her. 'That, or a nanny.'

Connie just nodded with what appeared to be a small smirk on her face. 'And you'll be willing to leave him?'

Lily's stomach sank. No, of course she wasn't willing. She was scared.

'I... I need the money.'

Connie just nodded, and Lily felt as if she wasn't taking her seriously enough. 'My heart is in it as well... I have missed being a doctor. Missed making that difference.' Lily heard the words as they came out her mouth. They sounded slightly false, yet Mrs Beauchamp seemed to be convinced and just gave her a nod.

'Okay. Obviously we have to interview candidates formally and follow the protocols for doing so, but as far as I'm concerned, you have simply been on extended maternity leave. Therefore I'm happy to offer you a starting date for the position of registrar in emergency medicine. This Monday?' Connie asked.

Lily was slightly taken aback. Of course, she'd gone for work. It just felt incredibly soon. She mentally berated herself then; she was so lucky to even be offered a position. She must accept.

'Yes, yes, thank you. What time?' Lily asked, prising her son's sticky fingers from over her mouth so that she could talk properly.

'Mama no!' He shouted, furious at being ignored. Lily tuned it out. This was important. This was her career and it was about to start again. No more working at the pub, unsociable hours, just to make ends meet. No more sacrificing her dignity by dealing with sleazy men who leered at her from the bar. No more doing something she hated, just so that she could afford washing powder or a pint of milk. Actually doing something she enjoyed. She had to ask the right questions and go through the motions in the right way - she was being offered a job. If she paid attention to her son, Connie would either think she wasn't overly fussed, or she simply wasn't ready for work. Or both. She couldn't let that happen.

'Whenever is most convenient, Lily. 9? I tell you what... email me Sunday. Or call. Do you still have my number?' Connie asked.

Lily just shook her head. She'd deleted everyone's contact details when she was at her lowest point, about halfway through her pregnancy. She remembered it clearly, despite all the tears and alcohol (that she knew she definitely shouldn't have been drinking). Back then, she believed she didn't anyone. Pressing the delete button numbed the pain at the time, ironically, that's what caused her the most pain in the long run. Being so cut off.

Connie scribbled down a number on a piece of paper and passed it to Lily.

'Call any time. Okay?' Connie nodded, standing up and opening the door. Lily smiled gratefully and gave a small nod, taking her son by the wrist.

'Oh, and Lily?' Connie leaned out into the corridor.

Lily turned round.

'It's lovely to have you back.'

-x-

The huddle of staff seemed to have dispersed in the short time that Lily was speaking with Connie. She spotted David in the distance, busy helping a patient that had fallen to the ground. She wanted to rush over and help, but she couldn't. As far as rules were concerned, she was a stranger. All things considered, she would be the worst kind of hypocrite since she lived by the rules in every wake of her life.

'What have we got?' Lily faintly heard Alicia's voice in the distance, presumably gathering patient details from paramedics.

Someone replied to her, a voice she didn't recognise. Probably someone new.

Lily scooped up her son over one arm, bag over the other, and slipped past them, stepping into the car park. The fresh air was welcome and helped her think clearly again. Her eyes scanned the vicinity all the same. Things had changed, sure. She still wondered about him though. Where was he now, three years after?

'Lily.'

His voice had no hint of questioning to it. He said her name more as if it were fact. As if, although it was a surprise, he wasn't in any doubt.

In the most blatantly obvious sense of the question she'd just mused over, she received her answer a lot sooner than she thought. The pavement seemed to be pulled from beneath her feet as her legs turned to jelly. They didn't feel like her own. Nothing felt real. How could it?

She turned around, slowly, trusting yet distrusting her ears all at the same time.

If she hadn't known better, she would've believed it to be a dream. She knew it was not, for his eyes bore through her in a way that was certainly not dreamt. His facial expression as he looked from the woman he once knew to the baby in her arms, definitely could not have been conjured up by the mind.

Her voice was barely even a whisper. 'Iain.'


	2. chapter 2

'What are you doing here?' Iain asked, finally, making his way over. It looked like it was the end of his shift, and he was ready to go home. Lily couldn't meet his eyes. She had been the one to leave.

'Trying to get work...' She looked to the floor. Iain just nodded, sizing the situation up.

'And who's this?' He asked her, nodding at the child she held. She didn't know why he had to ask. It was blatantly obvious. It was as if he wanted her to say the words.

'This is Jonah. He's... my son.' Lily said, choosing her words carefully.

'Wow. Uh... wow. Never really did see you as a mum, Lily.' He told her.

'I'm not mother material,' She replied. 'I'm... not. So you would have had no reason to.'

Iain's face changed. 'No, Lily... I didn't mean it like that...'

'It's fine, I said it, not you.' She just shook her head, feeling exhausted.

'Well...' Iain put his hands in his pockets. Lily didn't really know what he could say. He certainly seemed at a loss for words. Jonah had fallen quiet too, picking at the fluff on the hood of her coat. She'd snap at him not to, had they been by themselves. They weren't though, they were with Iain, and the reason Lily left three years earlier was because he'd called her heartless. She felt the need to reevaluate her life. It would only prove his point if she even so much as told off her little boy.

'Maybe we could catch up?' Iain suggested, voice still flat.

'Yeah, sure.' Lily agreed.

'Well, okay. I have coffee, tea, squash for-' Iain said.

'He drinks water.' Lily interjected, before she could stop herself.

Iain just nodded. 'Alright.'

-x-

'This is mad. I just... wasn't expecting you at all. How long is it since you left?' Iain asked, placing a mug of tea in front of her.

'Just under three years.' Lily answered. Jonah sat in front of CBeebies that Iain had flicked on the telly. He was transfixed and completely still, much to Lily's relief. At least, that way, she could have a proper conversation without interruption.

'Three years...' Iain repeated, with a slight shake of the head.

'How's Gem?' Lily asked.

'Gemma? Uh... she's good, Lily. She is. Got an apprenticeship in a nursery, now becoming a nursery nurse, though God knows how she got a DBS check appropriate enough with the crimes she committed in her earlier days. Has a boyfriend, he's quite posh though. Probably does her some good. They have a flat together. She's... she's changed.' Iain told her.

'I'm glad she's changed her ways. That is good news. She is a lovely girl though, just obviously been through a lot. Suppose she was in with the wrong crowd.' Lily replied, putting the mug to her lips again.

'That's true. I still don't understand what brings you back, Lily. What about Jonah's dad? I presume you're not still with him? There's something other than work, isn't there?' He looked puzzled, yet his tone was probing. He had a way of making Lily want to spill everything to him, something she found to be quite disconcerting.

There was no sugarcoating things. He might as well find out.

'He is your son.'

Iain looked at Lily oddly for a while, then let out a laugh.

'What you talking about? He's too little, Lily. You've been gone longer than that.' He said, almost as if he felt sorry for her.

'Iain, don't patronise me. I mean it.' Lily's voice was now a whisper - but it wasn't like the toddler would understand anyway.

'Well, how old is he?' Iain asked, still in obvious disbelief.

'Two today.' Lily replied. Iain looked absent as he worked it out.

'How do I know he's not someone else's?' Iain asked.

'Oh for God's sake, Iain.'

'How do I know though?' He looked at her.

'Because you have my word. I hadn't slept with any other man.. when I found out I was pregnant, anyway.' She told him, as if it were obvious.

'Anyway? What's that supposed to mean? So there has been other guys...' He sounded a mixture of hurt and accusing.

'Not when I found out I was pregnant.' She said.

'But since then?'

'What does it even matter, Iain?' She sighed, exasperated. She'd slept with a couple of men since, on a no strings attached basis. Both from down the pub. She didn't like to drag it back up - that time of her life deserved to be buried in her memory, as far as she was concerned. It wasn't his business though. They hadn't been together.

'Right, well then, Iain Dean.. father...' He exhaled, running his hands down his face.

'Sorry about the shock.' Lily said, quietly.

'No no, don't you worry. Here I am, after near enough 3 years, with a child that just so happens to be your son Iain? Never mind that you didn't even know about him before.' Hurt flashed across Iain's face as he spoke.

'How else was I supposed to tell you?' Lily's voice caught in her throat, managing to sound just as lost as she did hurt.

'Maybe don't leave it this long? Just a suggestion.' He threw his hands up in the air.

'I know it's a lot to take in.' Lily said, quietly.

Iain just scoffed. They sat their in silence. Lily turned to look at her son as he, rather inconveniently, plodded to her side.

'Yes, darling?' She spoke.

Jonah locked eyes with Iain then, for the first time. Lily noticed how her son seemed to stare, almost like he knew. Iain stared back, and Jonah moved to hide behind her. That wasn't supposed to happen, Lily thought. Her son was supposed to realise all at once it was his father, and go up to him. Iain was supposed to interact. Nothing happened the way it should have done.

'Hey. Hey, Joey.' Lily whispered, leaning round to face her son. He blinked back up at her, meeting her brown eyes with his own identical (yet smaller) ones.

She glanced at Iain, and saw him looking back. 'Jonah, Jonah. This is your...' She stopped. The worst possible combination of words she could've said. Instead of finishing the sentence awkwardly, she chose to change it. 'Come and say hi. It's okay. This is a nice man. He is mummy's friend.' Lily spoke carefully and clearly. Obviously curious, Jonah peeked his face out from the back of the chair. He quickly moved back again so that he wasn't visible.

Iain chuckled now. 'Someone's shy.'

Jonah peeked out again, and then moved quickly back. Iain did similar, hiding behind his hands and saying 'I see you!' at appropriate intervals. Both of them laughed and laughed. Lily was still a bit nervous, and although it was cute, she refused to let herself bask in the niceness of the moment too much. If there was one thing she'd learnt, it was that things didn't always last. In fact, they rarely did.

'Mama...' Jonah swung round, bored of the game now and slightly out of breath.

'Yes, angel?' She scooped him onto her knee with a small smile.

'Dinky now..' He whispered, twining his arms round her neck.

'I have some water in my bag. Be patient and I will fetch it for you.' Lily told him, gently shifting him so that he was sitting on his own bit of the armchair.

Lily left the room to go into the porch, and searched through her bag quickly, becoming slightly flustered as she couldn't find it. She was gone a while, and Iain assumed she'd popped to the loo while she was out the room.

'I'll go get you a drink.' Iain stood up, clearly not used to dealing with small children. 'What is it you'd like? Milk? Juice? Water?' Iain asked.

He looked uncertain for a while, putting a chubby finger to his mouth. 'Doosy.' He replied, finally. Iain gave a nod as he looked towards the cupboard.

'Blackcurrant, or orange?' Iain produced both bottles. Jonah just kicked his feet against the sofa, a blank expression on his face.

'Well, we'll go with blackcurrant. I always think it's nicer. Your mum might not approve, though. Never mind. I'll put it in this bottle, and what she doesn't know won't hurt her.' Iain rambled on to himself, pulling out an opaque, bright green plastic bottle with a sports top. He diluted the drink and turned round, giving it to the little boy on the sofa. As toddlers do, he took it. Lily came back in from the hallway and scolded him.

'What do you say Jonah?' She asked, a little frostily. He didn't answer. A gentler tone might. have been more appropriate. 'Remember. Manners? You say...' Lily coaxed, realising he may listen that way.

'Ta.' Jonah spluttered, as he choked on the juice a bit.

'Good boy.' Lily handed him a baby wipe to wipe his mouth and hands with, and to Iain's surprise, he did it all by himself. 'And, thanks.' Her eyes met Iain's. He just nodded.

'It's just a drink.' Iain replied, brushing it off as only a minor thing.

'Even so. I don't know where I put his beaker. Must have left it at home.' Lily looked thoughtful as she sat down on the sofa beside her son, her eyes in a trance.

'Never mind. Is that nice, Jonah?' Iain asked.

'Mm...' Jonah replied, which made Iain laugh again.

'Is it water?' Lily asked.

'I got doosy...' Jonah told his mum, almost with a bit of pride.

Lily just sighed. 'Iain, I told you...' She looked troubled.

'Yeah, I know. But it's one drink of juice, Lily. It's very dilute. Try, if you don't believe me.' Iain gestured to the bottle held tightly between her son's hands.

She just shook her head. 'It's fine, this once.' She muttered.

'Won't do him any harm.' Iain nodded.

'It's not about that.' Lily sighed, inspecting her nails. 'Anyway. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I wanted a clean break. I left and then I discovered I was pregnant, not the other way round. It felt like the best thing, because I didn't just have myself to think about.'

Iain just nodded, taking in what she'd said. 'I am going to need to think long and hard, alright? Look. I'll message you later. You might've deleted my number, but I always kept yours.'

'I know you did.' Her voice was a whisper again. He'd called her loads since she left. She always sort of knew that he'd think of her. Sometimes, with people, you get a sense that it's not the end.

'Thanks for the tea, and for Jonah's juice.' Lily took the cup off her son, and placed it on the counter.

Iain took it from the counter, and gave it back to the little boy, not without a ruffle of his hair.

'Keep the cup, alright?' Iain sighed, following them into the hallway. He held his hands up, not really knowing how to say goodbye to her properly.

She picked up on this and felt similarly. Obviously not a kiss. A squeeze of the hand would be too intimate too. Realising that hanging around was silly, she leaned in for a quick hug. Iain reciprocated it until she pulled away, taking her son by the hand and leading him out the door.

'I'll text.' Iain said.

She nodded.


	3. chapter 3

A wine glass hung precariously from Lily's fingers. She wasn't really paying attention; it could have easily dropped. She didn't care. After managing to convince herself that it was perfectly acceptable to drink after the day she'd had, she was positioned on the sofa doing just that. The flat was cosy and warm, almost enough to send her off to sleep there and then. She didn't though, she had things to think about. Her eyelids drooped with exhaustion, yet she fought sleep. She had some time to herself, which was rare.

Her son had never been an easy child, but he was spark out in bed in the next room. Admittedly, he'd had a lot to take in. More than she'd anticipated. Maybe it was just a coincidence. He was a toddler, after all, and he hadn't really napped in the day. Even so, she felt much more at ease with having a drink knowing he was unlikely to wake up until the morning.

The TV set screamed with canned laughter, and Lily pulled a face, knocking it off lazily by bringing her hand down in a fist over the off button. She'd been deduced to watching shows that were, at best, trash. She couldn't manage to get any real channels to work in the flat, other than a strange American one that only seemed to play 90s sitcoms or this hypnotic kids one, which was even stranger. Although she'd become quite acquainted to watching rubbish, it still bothered her as background noise. The quiet was much better.

She languished on the sofa, an autobiography of a medical student propped up against her knee. Her eyes danced over the words, but they only looked like squiggly lines. Taking another sip of wine, she checked her phone for notifications. She opened Facebook, something she tried not to do too often since having Jonah. It almost seemed like a compulsion though. She was cut off enough, but it didn't hurt to have a little browse from time to time. She couldn't help herself. She'd deleted everyone from the ED long ago, but a friend request from Alicia pinged in her inbox. She couldn't suppress a roll of the eyes. Once enthusiastic, always enthusiastic, thought Lily. She duly pressed accept, and began to scroll through some photos. Profile picture was of Alicia and Ethan on a beach somewhere. Next profile picture, Alicia with a cocktail. She scrolled for a bit before going back to her news feed. An ex boyfriend from uni posting a picture of his disgusting protein shakes. Lily thought about commenting, but decided against it. He always accused her of being a know-it-all. If she informed him via social media that they were not helping him become more "ripped", and in fact they were helping to do the very opposite, she knew it would just go to prove his point. As she was toying with the idea, a message popped through as a banner at the top of the screen. Lily clicked the notification, vaguely recognising the number. It read:

' _Hi. Good to see u baby J today. Been thinking maybe we should meet up again? Don't have to, obv. your call and I respect your decision. Just, message me back yeah? Hope you got home ok x'_

Lily allowed herself a sigh. It was nice to see Iain again, sure. It would do more harm than good to not meet up again. She typed out a reply and sent it:

 _'Iain, we liked seeing you too. As for meeting up, I think that is a good idea. When are you free? I start work back on Monday. Sunday might work for us. At some point, we need to have a chat. Face to face, I mean. That is better._ '

She deliberated over whether to send an 'x' or not. She decided against it. Another message came back.

 _'Sunday at 11 then? Wanna come to mine first then we'll decide what to do? I'm working Mon too, wheres Jonah going? We'll talk about that when we see each other. Mayb could meet for lunch in staffroom at work or something. Take care till then x'_

She saw Iain kept the same tone as he had before, so replied quickly:

' _That is fine. I have found him a childminder close by the hospital, that is preferable over a nursery I think. Less infection and germ exposure. You too. See you soon. x'_

Iain replied with an _'x_ ', nothing else. A mere acknowledgement? It wasn't that he felt the need to have the last word, Lily knew that much. He just wanted to let he know he'd read it. She appreciated that, it was nice to have someone who thought about you in a conversation.

She drained the rest of the wine, and set the glass back on the table. It hadn't been particularly nice, but it helped her relax a bit. Forget about the day she'd had, till the morning came. Forget about the feelings. Even forget about being someone's mum, though she felt guilty for thinking this way. The paperback still rested against her knee. She tried to focus on the book again and failed, so placed it on the cabinet beside the sofa and just sat with her phone laying screen down on her chest.

It was weird how you could go to a place you know so well, expecting it to feel the same, yet everything had changed. The hospital itself was, for the most part, the same. It was the people that had moved on, loved, lost, learned, grown, become. Including herself, for she was a different person. Much as she hated to admit it, the change was within her too. Change takes no prisoners, it doesn't skip people out. You're not exempt from the way the universe turns on its axis. Slightly sadly, she realised as soon as the people change, a place is never quite the same again.


End file.
